I have not written a blog in well over two years partly due to the dysgraphia and partly due to laziness on my part. This is also why I have not been drawing much either pure and utter laziness. Well today I addressed an addiction that had to end once and for all. I finally walked away from Guild Wars after 126 months and 9,900 hours. That is 412.5 days of my life spent in a game so I lost over a year of my life to this addiction. I don’t think any drug I did from the freebasing of cocaine to the weed to the beers came even close to this amount of time. Mora Windfoot had to die once and for all and it started in World of Warcraft where I changed my Blizzard ID to just Mora I dropped the Windfoot.
I created Mora Windfoot a female ranger in September of 2006 and I created a character to role play in the game and I have been struggling for over a year and a half with this character and what to do with her. I have a multitude of reasons why I left mostly it was the now toxic community that exists in the game now that there are no longer any rules. Another part is my past kept creeping up and biting me in the ass and another was I finally hit that point where I just didn’t want to play anymore. I have made a lot of friends in the game but I guess the ones I did not get to say good-bye to will be just fine without me around.
I spent fifteen years in Narcotics Anonymous addressing my addiction issues and yeah this was one of the most powerful ones I have ever experienced in my life. When I got robbed in 2012 and was unable to get on the game I ached every day until finally 14 months later I was able to log in again. I then quickly created guilds and alliances being I was back in the swing of things. The core of addiction is obsession and compulsion and I had that with this game in spades. I did take a break this year for about two months but I came back and well things just seemed worse then before I left. It was like I never left or stopped playing bam right back into the disease of addiction.
My mother had quit smoking for sixteen years and when she started again she said it was like she never quit and that is exactly how it was for me. I just slipped back into that familiar place like a junkie shooting that junk again after a long break. I was unable to stop logging in every day even though I had a way better game to play in World of Warcraft that I play a few hours a day at the most. I do not need to develop another addiction to an online game for this last one was so destructive to my heart, mind and soul.
The core of the disease of addiction is self-centeredness and a hole that we are trying to fill so we use the substance to fill that hole. Guild Wars was my substance for over a decade and now I can clearly see that it was far worse then any drug I have ever done in my life. Yes I have a lot of great memories in the game and I miss a lot of the people that left the game during my exodus for that fourteen months but I made new friends and had so many amazing adventures but then I got tied up with a bad person and she sucked the life out of me and the game. After 16 months of debating should I leave or stay or just stick around until I hit 10,000 hours I said no I need to leave the game now or I never will. Abstinence is the only way to recover from any addiction so that is what I shall do. I will never log in again, never hear the music never see the people or the sites. Yeah I am gonna have to kick this like any other drug but I am strong enough to do this. I have been able to stop other addictions in my past so I will use the same method that I did then on this.
I guess the bottom line here is I was sick and tired of being sick and tired so change no longer seemed like an idea but it had to become a concrete reality. So I am now going to say good-bye to Mora Windfoot. It was a great decade plus but do me a favor and just fucking die already. I once loved you but now I loath you with a seething passion for you took over my life like no other thing ever has. I am fully aware that I allowed this to happen so in the end it is 100% my fault but hey shit happens sometimes that is just beyond our control and this was one of those cases. The funny part is I hated the game when I first got it but then I feel in love with it and it was my baby. I guess all good things must come to an end and it is never pretty when it does. So see ya Guild Wars it was nice but it is now time for me to move on and distance myself from you like you have a disease that I can catch that will again destroy my life. Ah addiction at its best…